When someone you love is struggling with anxiety or depression, the desire to help can feel urgent — and the fear of saying the wrong thing can feel paralyzing. You want to comfort them, but you're not sure your words will land right.
You're not alone in that fear. Most people have been there. And while there's no perfect script, there are some things that genuinely help — and some that, despite good intentions, can make things harder.
Here's a compassionate guide to navigating those conversations.
What NOT to Say
These phrases are almost always well-intentioned — but they can feel dismissive or minimizing to someone who is genuinely struggling.
- "Just think positive." Anxiety and depression aren't solved by mindset shifts alone. This can feel like you're telling them their pain is a choice.
- "Other people have it worse." Suffering isn't a competition. Comparing pain doesn't reduce it — it just adds shame.
- "You have so much to be grateful for." They know. And they probably feel guilty that they're still struggling. This adds to that guilt.
- "Have you tried exercise / meditation / going outside?" Maybe. Probably. Unsolicited advice can feel like you're not really listening.
- "I know exactly how you feel." Even if you've experienced something similar, their experience is their own. This can feel like you're making it about you.
- "You just need to push through it." Mental health conditions aren't a lack of willpower. This framing can be deeply harmful.
What TO Say
These phrases create space, build connection, and communicate genuine care.
- "I'm here for you." Simple. Powerful. No conditions attached.
- "You don't have to go through this alone." Loneliness amplifies mental health struggles. This directly counters that.
- "I don't fully understand what you're going through, but I want to." Honesty and curiosity are more comforting than false certainty.
- "What would be most helpful for you right now?" Let them lead. Sometimes they need to talk. Sometimes they need distraction. Sometimes they just need company.
- "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me." Validation without judgment. This is gold.
- "Is it okay if I check in on you tomorrow?" Consistent care matters. This signals you're not going anywhere.
- "I love you and I'm not going anywhere." Sometimes the most healing thing is simply knowing they won't be abandoned.
When You Don't Know What to Say
Say that. Honestly. "I don't know what to say, but I'm here and I care about you deeply." That kind of vulnerability and presence is more comforting than a perfectly crafted response.
Silence, too, can be a gift. Sitting with someone — not trying to fix anything, just being present — communicates more than words sometimes can.
When to Encourage Professional Help
If someone is expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, take it seriously. Don't minimize it or panic — stay calm, stay present, and encourage them to reach out to a crisis line or mental health professional immediately.
In the US, you can reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. You can also encourage them to text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
For ongoing struggles, gently encourage therapy. Offer to help them find a provider, or simply ask: "Would it be okay if we looked into some options together?"
The Most Important Thing
You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to have the right words. You just have to show up — with love, with patience, and with the quiet, steady message that they matter.
That is the most powerful thing you can offer anyone who is struggling.
Choose Joy. Spread Love. Be Awesome. — not because life is always easy, but because love is always worth choosing.